i think i will start getting back to post about things that make me feel alive once again. be it sad, happy, boring, exciting.

life has been good. throughout this one year, lots had taken place. 

happy, sad, exciting, boring, worrying, depressing.

nevertheless, i think i have emerged a better person than before. i have definitely learned and grown to the extent that i have never imagined i would.

 

i need a job change. i seriously need a job change!

i almost cant tahan my current job ardy.

not the politics, not the workload, not the stress. but the lack of JOB SATISFACTION.

i cannot survive without that. salary alone is not enough to sustain me. i’m dying mentally… gradually. i really need something to perk me up. a change of environment and job which provides me with the space to grow. i need a career ladder to climb, not just a job for me to pass my time and earn the money to pay bills. that really sucks.

DEAR GOD, please just grant me with this ONE opportunity that i need. i just need to get it and i’ll just stay and work very hard to climb the ladder.

please…

 

i need to start reading again.

i need a job that is more rewarding and meaningful.

i need to contemplate my life again and think of what is best for me.

i have found the right person. but it’s always no good to put too much focus on something, on someone. i learnt it from so many real life experiences.

for real, i need to find a job that is better. or rather, i think i deserve better.

i’m not leading a fulfilling life now. i have not been doing sports for such a while, and i haven’t been reading as well. i really need a better life.

i’m hoping for the better. like really, really, better.

:(

早知道这感觉是这么糟糕的,我宁可这一切从没开始。

很想回到当初那样。

有些东西,付出了,就收不回了。

有些人,有些事,不是说你想要发生它就会发生。正如我自己的感觉,不是我说想要让它停止它就会停止。

这一切,你都清楚了吗?

 

 

 

i’m not someone who is particularly emotional. in fact i think i’m someone who is so good at mastering my emotions that i’m always happy and stable.

but i really hate this particular period of the month.

for no reasons i’m just feeling very sad.

i’m sulking out of nothing, for nothing.

the tears in my eyes can drop off anytime if there’s trigger.

can somebody just help me out with this! the feeling sucks to the maximum!

can’t wait to get out of this place. i want a runaway.

perhaps in my dream that will come true.

:(

a lot of things have been happening in my life.
i don’t even have enough time to update myself.
first, got a job. signed. went for grad trip. came back. rest for few days. started work. shifted to new place. worked for another 2 weeks. decided to move to new place. contract signed.

i’m so overwhelmed by all these. all these changes are driving me crazy. and i just realized i haven’t rested enough. haven’t really had enough time for myself to contemplate life.

well, challenges are there to make me a stronger person. i’m not so easily defeated. but right now, i really need to slow everything down. hopefully i can really settle down after i’ve moved to a new place.

i know i was a bit hasty when making the decision. but i could bear with it no more. i’m one who needs space for myself. i don’t need aircond, i don’t need a bed that’s very comfortable, but i definitely need a space for myself. a table is like a basics for my life. i need to have my own work desk, for me to do things, think about things, or even not doing anything at all.

i hope i wouldn’t offend anyone by moving out end of the month. it wasn’t my intention at all to make anyone unhappy. i just wanted myself to be happy. that’s all.

i thought i was so strong. but no. at times, i do feel like crying. i do feel like everything is coming against me. i do need a shoulder to lean on. if there is one.

yawn.

我需要学会如何收拾心情。

came back from grad trip 2 days ago, and i’m missing every single one of my travel mate. i miss those times we spent in vietnam, having a lot of fun and laughter every single day.

i sort of can’t get back to the right track now. i can’t believe that i’m gonna start work in less than 2 weeks’ time.

i’m still in my vacation mood.

on the first day after i touched down, i spent the day all alone in my hostel room. throughout the day, i felt like crying. i didn’t know that i can be so sentimental and emo. i really really am missing those times.

it’s like after i start working, there will not be a time when we can really enjoy like that.

i wish i can be stronger and get on with life. probably because of the time of the month, i feel particularly depressed these two days. i believe i will be just fine soon.

good news, from my students and not me.

student 1: chemistry grade improved from B4 to A2

student 2: chemistry grade improved from C5 to B3

student 3: mathematics grade improved from B to A

bravo! i might not necessary be the contributer, but i certainly feel pleased to know of their respective improvement. :D

没有办法以最佳状态呈现我的poster presentation是一个很大的遗憾。

无论报告写得再好,准备得再充实,临场表现不佳,就衰咗了。

讨厌为什么自己身体的免疫系统就这么的不争气?

今天的自己就是完完全全不在状态以内,呈现的内容也好似一塌糊涂。

硬要跟自己说,我已经尽力了,也只是在欺骗与安慰自己。

力,在那种服了药,头昏脑胀,昏昏欲睡的情况之下,我没办法尽得了。

ahh. sorethroat. time of the month. what a day!

the very first thing that i will do when i have more cash in hand, is to get myself a pair of really good running shoes. i’m so gonna start running and doing some sports again.

to be very honest, i have not really done any ‘real’ sports since the day i stepped into uni. as in real sports that will keep u sweating.

i’m feeling totally unfit now.

it looks like i’ve got fairer compared to last time, but i definitely do not look as healthy and blushy as last time. i’m unfit and if you ask me to run two laps round the track now, u’d better kill me! it used to be 12.45 minutes for 6 laps, but i guess it has to be the same time for 1 round now.

girls age fast, this is a fact as hard as the rock. despite our effort to make ourselves look young, the very fact about how biology runs in our body makes the loss of collagen at least 2.5 times faster than men of the same age. life isn’t fair isn’t it? somehow, God makes it fair such that every woman more or less faces the same problem. awww.

the only thing to do, girls, is not to put on as much make-up as you can to cover up our flaws, but to exercise more and eat more healthily to make ourselves feel young from the inside. if collagen fails us, we always have the part on anti-oxidant, isn’t it?